The Ballad of The Bush Leagues

Part 14, Early Returns

Today I was gently reminded
Of a name to which I'd been blinded
By the spotlight on the "big picture" and
Veiled reference to scripture.

Until, as I said, today, I saw a
Letter from Waxman to Condoleeza
Regarding exorbitant pricing of fuel
By a company named Altanmia.

Altanmia charged us all a ton for
Something it had never done:
Importing fuel into Iraq under
Terms of a generous subcontract

Granted by Halliburton-
Already the the law a skirtin'-
It now extends, through KBR,
Preference to oil ministers afar

"Cheney? He's got nothing to do with
Contracts in Kuwait.
If we were overcharged for fuel we
Expect to be repaid.

"Now let's get back to talking points:
The economy's up, Sadaam's in the joint,
No longer will he murder.
Thank you, I've got to get a burger."

A burger? Damn, that sounds good!
I think I'll get one too,
Listen to some news on the radio
While I'm driving through...

[RADIO BROADCASTER]
"At the top of our news, Howard
Dean has Dropped out of the race.
He MOVEd ON up with a hi-tech jump
Then lost control of his face."

[DEAN]
"YEAGHHH!"

This news arrives with my burger and fries,
An awful lot to digest.
If Kerry's in the lead now
What does this suggest?

That Edwards is too young?
That Sharpton is too much fun?
That Dean knows how to fight but
Should have brought a gun?

It all comes back to war, I think,
As my burger gives way to a slurpitty drink.
Voters admire a man who can leap to the
Bulletproof limo from the Army Jeep.

Of course, some say this Kerry's a traitor
Cuz when he came back from the 'Nam
He said that we were invaders,
That maybe the war was wrong.

Still, it can't be argued he served
When Junior appears to have swerved.
The incumbent looks pretty vulnerable
And it's not just because he dodged.

It's that pesky record deficit,
A historic loss of jobs and the
Nine-eleven Commission might
Alter a voting position.

"The nine-eleven hearings are important for America.
We need to learn the facts about the terror.
But if you want to talk to me,
I'm coming with Tweedledee.

"See, me and Dick, we're like bread and butter:
You can't spread one without the other.
If we give separate testimony
The truth won't ring in harmony.

"I tell you what, we'll swing on by for a
Couple of hours and talk to you guys.
And no tape recorders, please;
They're bad for security."

The nerve of this guy! He won't testify?
Does he think he's above the law?
His predecessor had to take the oath for
Stretching an intern's jaw!

He's built his entire presidency
On defending his largely complicit country
Against threats that he claimed he never did see
Until September 11.

So now that day is under review
To examine the what where when and who
And the president says, "I'd prefer not to,"
What the hell is going on?

"I opposed the creation of this commission
'Til I found out I'm in charge of the roster.
The families of victims who keep calling me
Deserve all the truth we can foster.

"They're doing good work. I'll stay out of the way,
I don't want to interfere.
Now I'm off to Rummy's to look at some
pictures...
He says they're a little bit queer! "