Ballad of The Bush Leagues
Part 2, The Test
The economy feels a bit shaky,
Making tax refunds smell somewhat flaky.
He gave us some rent with the best of intent
Though as planning it looks rather lazy.
But economics isn't his science of choice;
He favors the biology.
He rolls up his sleeves and asks god,
Let us take stem cells out of deep freeze!
"Now I'm no PhD, but this sounds pretty good to me:
When the cells are a formin'
('less they're from an abortion)
We can shape them to cure all disease!"
His wish the lord does grant.
Over right-to-lifers' rants
Our President-scientist
Logs another success on his list.
But sadly, while he studies away,
Commits attention to books,
His enemies quietly draw up plans
For a vengeful attack on the most-favored land.
As he reads to a grade-school assembly
An advisor appears on the stage,
Puts a mouth to his ear and whispers in fear
Of events that forever our country would change.
Planes have been hijacked and aimed at the heart
Of America's symbols of might:
The World Trade Center, the Pentagon, too,
Are in flames, the victims of suicide flights.
Engineered with ruthless precision,
These crushing, horrific collisions
Tighten many a throat with thick New York smoke
Which clears to reveal grim questions:
Who could have done such a thing?
What reward can it possibly bring?
Must we now hide from invisible threats
And send out the men with the greenish berets?
"Freedom has been attacked.
Freedom will be defended.
A banner out West shows we are the best
I recall it said 'WANTED for murder.'"
So he responds, the sinecured lad
Now in a world of his own,
"No time to take flight, mince words or back down
From the terrorist cowards who threaten my home.
"I'll gather my Boys and Condoleeza-Rice
We'll plan a war on the Terrorist vice.
Design an Infinite Justice machine
Y'all be real sorry you did such a thing.
"From this very day, I'll make a Crusade-
I'm sorry, I'm told a mistake has been made.
I didn't mean to assume the mantle
Of Catholicism's publicity scandle-
"Enduring Freedom I rename our Mission
To better reflect our assumed position.
And Allah Most High, I remove my shoes
To bathe in your creamy political juice."
He stands presidential and brave
As he threatens the Land of the Cave.
"We'll smoke them out of their holes,
The Taliban we'll overthrow.
"It might take some time but we'll get 'em
These cowards who threaten our freedom.
Why do they hate us? What have we done?
I think they've forgotten: WE'RE Number One."
"Now back to the war, like I said before,
Get me Don on the phone, let's settle this score."
Together at war, scared to the core,
Stands our country now of its leader sure.
A country so reason'bly assembled,
So proud of the things it resembles
Will not be hostage held.
Enter Don Rumsfeld
Bespectacled and tightly wound
The Secret'ry answers daily rounds
Of questions from an anxious press
Who find most everything suppressed.
The traveling pool, too, tags along
No longer singing Britney songs.
They tell of women newly freed,
Of burgeoning democracy,
Pushed aside but not forgotten-
Woe to us all if it comes back rotten–
A culture popping with show and tell
Now faces a charge of Infidel.