The Ballad of The Bush Leagues,

Part 8, The Road To Baghdad

Back to Iraq and the plan to attack
A little somethin' some say Dubya
hatched way back
In '99 when things were fine, our biggest
worry was a stain,
Once a scandal now it’s called the
well-dressed salad days

Of the bubble when our trouble much
resembled titillation
When we naively thought cigars were
just for inhalation
Now we’re scared, maybe prepared, who
knows what to do?
No one, really, so we follow Double U.

"We don’t believe Sadaam’s report,
We know he’s hiding weapons.
Still, war’s our last resort.
Liberation, though, that’s the ultimate sport.

"Free the people from the clutches of a
barbarous regime
Turn their nightmares into American Dreams
Corn fed turbans, apple pie for Ibrahim...
They do wear turbans, don’t they?"

Liberation, imperialism,
Whatever its name it’s caused a schism:
Across the Atlantic La République
Opposes our realpolitik.

"France? How dare they disagree!
Let them have their wine and cheese
They’ll come back upon their knees,"
Says the Defensive Secret’ry

As he stalks the U.N. corridors
Looking for those who question the war.
Rumsfeld gets up in their craw and
Tells them who’s really in charge:

"Now that you’ve heard this Colin runt
Represent effete détente
Listen to this you Euro hack:
We’re gonna invade Iraq."

March 19, 2003
Dubya declares, like his dad before he,
War on Iraq and it’s on TV!
Plenty of live action for a viewer like me

Who watches everything as it happens.
Occasionally I find myself a-clappin
For our boys with their toys and their
uniformed poise
As presented by embedded journalistic envoys

The writers and the fighters working as a team
To give the news a healthy pro-American sheen.
Hide the messy parts behind a soft white light,
Theme music and a drapery of red and white stripes.

Thus branded are we,
The product country,
From Operation Desert Storm to
Don’t Tread On Me

It all gets packaged so quickly
Into tidy little bits of world history.
If you think the smell is funny
Listen to the Candy Man, who makes the
world taste yummy…

"Who can take a country,
sprinkle it with bombs,
Overthrow its leader and
Get him on the run?"

The Candy Man Can!

"Who protects the oil
And leaves the rest to fate?
Gives contracts for rebuilding with no
Expiration date?"

The Candy Man Can!
The Candy Man Does and when he
Needs a little help
Condoleeza steps in... ("heh-heh Condi...")

She tells us, "Baghdad is under control.
Except for all the looters and the thieves
Who emptied out the national museum,
Who seem to have a taste for free TVs

"But remember to keep it in perspective –
They're drunk on freedom so of course
they steal.
We regret the loss of artifacts from
civilization’s cradle
On the upside without history they should
be well and able

"To consume the products like there’s
no tomorrow.
We'll print up some money they can borrow.
Plant the seed for freedom it will grow
Everything is under control."