The Ballad of the Bush Leagues

Part 9, Mission Accomplished

Much to the surprise of this reporter in
Two weeks time the war is over
With nary a soldier dead.
The fighting is over, Sadaam is fled.

We lost a few of our boys in blue,
I think we bombed a mosque or two
Along with a wedding in progress –
Death did them part before coitus.

“Our cause is just and we prevailed
Let history begin a new chapter.
Document two weeks of well-planned destruction
And gloss over what may come after.

“Not that I’m worried, with freedom in place,
The rest will take care of itself.
It might be rough going but that is the path
We decided they should take.”

Jay Garner, Retired Army, takes the reins
of reconstruction
In just 2 weeks he’s relieved of his function
The job proved to be a little tough,
Made him long to get back to hitting
balls in the rough.

His replacement steps in, L. Paul Bremer.
With a can-do hairdo and a high moral tenor
He puts on his khakis, greets some Iraqis
And pledges to follow through.

With a plan that never was
That was overlooked because
Shock and awe and retribution
Should have produced a constitution.

Now who’s gonna stop the hurtin’?
Do I hear a shout for Halliburton?
”Do you solemnly swear, KBR,
To jump right in and keep the charge,

“Assuming the roles, be they varied or sundry,
Required for modern colonies?
You’re the chosen entrepreneur
To prepare for extended tours.”

Who knows what they do or how much they’re paid
Have confidence, friends, their work is top grade.
So good, in fact, no one else was considered
For rebuilding Babylon up from the litter.

I can’t wait to see how it looks when completed –
Hanging gardens, gold idols and such –
Nebuchadnezzar will turn in his grave
When democracy rules over lands he once clutched

Egads! I’m getting ahead of myself,
Dabbling in prophecy.
While I sift through reams of biblical themes
Junior’s drafting his latest speech.

The president touts his grand schemes –
”Freedom, faith-based American Dreams” –
Overseas in Iraq many fight back,
Afghanis do the same "...almost forgot about that!”

Who would have thunk they’d retaliate?
No one could have possibly predicted
A nation of 25 million
Would fight to retain self dominion.

But so it goes and the bandwagon lightens as the
Mass destruction weapons of which we are
so frightened
Can’t be found, there’s no mound of missiles
bombs and guns.
Did Saddam hide them carefully? I wonder what
he’s done with them?

“I have full confidence in the abilities of our team.
They’re searching every corner, every tunnel,
cave and seam
Of a country very large with a lot of hiding space.
No, it’ll take some time: please excuse the mess.”

You’re excused, I guess - what else can I do but
Trust the red white and double U?
People get killed, we get billed and now I hear the
Name of an agent’s been spilled

Because her hubby said Shrubby was exaggeratin’
About Saddam’s attempt to buy yellowcake uranium.
With her name in the paper she’s useless as a spy;
Her career is over but at least she’s still alive.

Britain’s David Kelly didn’t fare as well
When he exposed Tony Blair’s oversexed hard sell
Of Hussein’s capacity to launch in 45 minutes
Long-range missiles that would blow us
all to tidbits.

Kelly said it off record but Downing Street’s rage
Effectively made him a household name.
Overwhelmed by guilt and pressure, the
government scientist
Took a numbing dose of pills and put a knife
to his wrist.