The Ballad of The Bush Leagues

Part 11, Kalifornia

It's three years gone since we got a new Bush
At the helm of our balanced powers.
It seems like a decade but that's an illusion
Created by the smoke of the fallen Twin Towers.

Are there more in store? Well, he's got
twin daughters;
One of 'em likes to drink like her father.
All she's got to do is alcohol eschew, get
a little Jesus
And she could be head of you!

No woman's ever done it but this family
bucks convention,
Puts presidents in place without
winnin' elections.
Still, we mustn't jump the gun. Her
daddy's got to run
For a second term of office and
he's under the gun.

The Democrats are ready to compete
They're anxious for Junior to get beat
Just like his one-term Daddy.
Who will get the privilege to unseat?

Will Howard Dean or Moseley-Braun
or Dennis Kucinich
Take down our Boy Wonder with their threats
to tax the rich?
Rookie Edwards looks real smooth, Sharpton's
back up in the groove
Stale Gephardt's on the move and
might even win his home state.

John Kerry boasts of wartime creds,
Enough these days to get ahead.
Witness Wesley Clark being
Pushed to do his part

By voters with a leftist bent who
Long for a military president:
The ideal guy to run is
Razor sharp and can handle a gun

Or at least has the wherewithal to fake it
With strap on bullets and a lot of makeup.
Put on shades and get to terminatin'
California's recalled gov'ner Davis!

It's no joke! Darrrell Issa put crews to work
Collecting signatures to ratify,
"The governor's a jerk!
We hereby authorize a referendum:
Throw him to the dogs, let's see who will
defend him."

Gray smiles weakly with his back to the wall, his
Allies fading faster than Arsenio Hall
They know they can't do a damn thing to stop the
Superhero who's waiting in the wings...

[CALIFORNIA VOTER to tune of "Daisy"]
"Ahhnold, Ahhnold,
Give me your answer do.
Kaaahlifornia's
Got so much love for you!

"And Oh! What a stylish marriage,
With a Humvee for a carriage, and
Swisher Sweets in the governor's seat
Being vacated just for you!"

After quite a protracted tease
Schwarzenegger declares his candidacy
Against the wishes of his sweet Marie,
"Let me do this or I'll start groping teens."

Now he's in! Do you think he can win?
It's easy to laugh but naive.
He's good on TV, plus the state of poppies
Likes those who entertain while they lead:

Reagan, god save him, we'll never forget;
Clint Eastwood took charge of Carmel;
Palm Springs had dear Sonny until he did leave
The warm desert sun for some slippery skis.

Mein Schatzi Ahnold will keep the tradition
Alive and well for some time.
His message is simple: "Open the books,
Let the people's will decide.

"Special interests and all of these things
Have been running the state for too long.
I've don't need their money, I answer to no one,
Say 'hasta la vista' to Davis the bum."

Many citizens share his ambition
To govern the Golden State. And,
Thanks to minimal requirements,
135 add their names to the slate.

But really, despite the best efforts of
Coleman, Camejo and Angelyne,
Larry Flynt, Bustamante and Trek Thunder Kelly
Huffington, Walton and Mary Carey,

They can't outpace The Running Man
Who, despite no qualifications,
Garners non-stop acclamation
For his pumped-up reinvention.

Encumbered Gray makes his best play
With his sober command of the issues.
The plebiscite, though, prefers the big show:
Arnold's the winner, it's not even close.